Tuesday, August 07, 2012

A Contemplative Day

Yesterday was one of my contemplative days.  They come for no reason, with no warning.  The hours seem longer, but I get through them however I can and wait for the next sunrise.

My contemplative days are days that my brain flashes forward.  It is clear and keen and can create every possible scenario waiting in the weeds to jump out and terrify me.  I picture myself left alone, something happening to the fuzzy one, losing my friends, me growing old and less able to care for myself, and that list went into infinity.

The crazy thing is that I know better than to let my mind scare me like that.  What happens, happens.  We can't change or alter what destiny has on its roster.  We're simply expected to feel our way through the darkness. Right up to the end.

Life has already taught me that there is a Strength or Power that comes when we need it.  Where it comes from, no one knows.  It cannot be explained, nor can it be identified.  My family, like all families, has walked through ferocious storms, the likes of which one can't even imagine living through.  Yet, as I look back, every kindness offered me felt like the Great Spirit Himself had His hand on my shoulder, assuring me I'd be okay.  It took intense effort on my part to work through the years, but Divine Inspiration came to me and eventually my heart stopped bleeding.

The older I get, the more I wonder about what the next dimension will be like.  And, I've got to be honest and say that on my contemplative days, I even wonder if there is another dimension.  No one knows for absolute positive 100%.  But, there's always that Hand that I feel on my shoulder, and the voice that whispers, "Sure there is.  Just don't worry about everything so much. You're not the one in charge.  I am."

So, here I am blessed with a brand spankin' new day, and all my ponderings are tucked back where they belong.  The blue sky and sunshine are here to help us do whatever it is we must do.  Maybe we're given those contemplative days to set things straight with ourselves.  I'm the first to say that I feel a whole lot better for having juggled and breathed new perspective into my uncertainties.

The River on a Windy Day